SayaheadLetters · For your kids
A letter for your child to read when they're grown: what to write
A lot of parents have thought about writing a letter for their child to read someday. Then they sit down, and the first line won't come. Here are a few directions that are hard to get wrong, prompts for different stages of life, and how to get the letter to them when it's done.
Let go of writing it “well”
What grown children remember usually isn't the writing. It's the small things in the letter: what they called you when they were little, a time you were proud of them, what you were worrying about back then. Write the way you talk.
- One letter, one thing. You don't need to fit a lifetime into a single letter.
- Write scenes. “When you were three, you fell at the park, got up on your own, and brushed off your pants” says more than “You've always been brave.”
- Write how you felt at the time, including the worry and the uncertainty. What grown kids often want to know most is that their parents were scared too.
- Go easy on the lessons. When you want to give advice, write about how you got through it yourself.
Five openings that are hard to get wrong
- “The day you were born, …”
- “You probably don't remember this, but …”
- “There's something I've never told you.”
- “When I was your age, …”
- “If you're going through a hard time right now, I want you to know …”
Pick the one that comes easiest and write three lines. Once you have three lines, it's usually hard to stop.
Prompts for each stage of life
If you can't think of what to say, start by deciding which day this letter is for. Then pick one or two prompts below.
| The day | What you could write about |
|---|---|
| Starting elementary or middle school | What they looked like on their first day; what you were most afraid of at school as a kid |
| 18th or 21st birthday | What was happening in the family the year they were born; one habit you hope they keep |
| Leaving home for the first time | For college, the military, or a move far away: the line that tells them the door at home is always open |
| First job | The most important thing you learned at your first job; how to handle a mistake |
| Wedding day | How you and your partner got through hard times together; something you'd like to say to their partner |
| Becoming a parent | How it felt to hold them for the first time; the hardest and most worthwhile parts of being a parent |
| No particular day | Words they can pull out and read when things are rough |
When it's done, how to get it to them
- Seal it, put it somewhere safe, and make sure one other person in the family knows where it is.
- Pick the day to give it to them. On that day, remind yourself to hand it over or send it yourself.
- Plan for the unexpected: if you're not around on that day, an official tool like Google's Inactive Account Manager can still get the letter to them.
FAQ
My child is still young. Is it too early to write?
No. Because they're young, they won't remember what you're seeing now. Only you can write it down for them, and the sooner you do, the clearer the details.
Should my child know the letter exists?
That depends on your family. Some parents say, “There's a letter waiting for you when you turn 21,” so the child has something to look forward to. Others keep it a surprise. What matters is that at least one adult knows where it is.
What if I want to change it later?
You can change it anytime, or write a new one. Many people reread an old letter when their child is older and add a section about what happened since.